The Big Issue

I will never make it as a wise woman.
This is how you remind me of who I really am?
I’ve been to the bottom of every bottle, script, syringe,
Anything really as long as I don’t
Have to think of the words you put in my head,
It must have been really bad for you
Living with me must have been hell for you
So you beat me, and over a long period of time
You make me paranoid, antisocial, scared, intimidated,
No sense of feeling. YOU WIN. I feel that way today!
You say you love me and you make all the right promises to break.
I know all the time you’re not right
But when you tell someone the same thing over and over,
They will believe you.
You are the master manipulator, you like people to think you’re stupid
But I know you’re not, ‘cause a stupid person couldn’t know
How to strategically brainwash another.
I used to believe in me, but now sometimes
The nights can be so long and all your shit
Goes around and around in my head,
I used to have faith in you but now I just pity you.
Life’s like this…that’s the way it is…NUMB
I should take a walk around the world to ease my troubled mind
But then you do win, and this time I have just enough strength
To get my life back, and find me again
I know I can be a little stubborn sometimes,
I thought I had all the answers, but no one does really.
You have to find your way when you get lost,
How am I ever going to get rid of these blues?
I have the sick pleasure of knowing you’re lost without me.
I can make the pain go away.
I can be strong because I have so much of my Dad in me, and he said,
“When you wake up each morning, tell yourself this is the first day of the rest of your life.” Never a truer word spoken.
If our paths never cross again, I have accomplished a great deal in my life.

Kerry sells The Big Issue in Brisbane.